Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Bump Files: Week 37 (AKA the woosah log)

Much crankier now. So cranky in fact that I just don't want to have anything to do with my co-workers. Well, mainly the dumb ones who say retarded things to me like "oh, you're still here!" to which I desperately wish to reply, "no, I'm not. I'm a hologram. A figment of your imagination. You're still sleeping and dreaming of me...how weird are you?" To the ones asking how I'm feeling, you clearly see the size of my belly...how do you THINK I'm feeling? Of course I'll respond "I'm hanging in there," but I really feel like saying "I'm 37 weeks pregnant with what feels like a baby elephant, figure it out." To the ever-polite ones that feel the need to tell me yet AGAIN how huge I am. Yes, I'm massively pregnant. No, it does not brighten my day to have you tell me. To the ones saying "Omg you're STILL pregnant?!" No, I had my baby, this is baby #3 on the way!! To the EXTRA lovely girl who likes to say in a sing-song voice, "your nose is spreading!!" EFF YOU!!! Honestly.

A special shout out to the home attendants and clients of this agency. To the home attendants: figure out your coordinator's schedule and stop asking for someone who clearly isn't in and is NEVER in this early. Also, do I sound: Russian, Jamaican, or have a heavy Spanish accent? No, right so don't be retarded and mistake me for someone who is or does. ALSO how often does your coordinator answer the front desk phone? Never! Sooooooooooo...that's right stop saying "oh, hi (insert any given coordinator's name here) it's me!" Which is an excellent segue into another complaint. Saying "it's me!" whoooooooooooo the hell are YOU? And what in the world makes you think I have voice recognition software installed in my ears? To clients who are no longer with my department STOP CALLING MY DEPARTMENT!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSAHHHHHHHHHHHH...

OK, I'm done.

Rant over.

2 comments:

Laura said...

Beautiful blog with so many inspiring ideas! Great work:) Would you like to follow each other?

Deirdra said...

I'm looking for your contact info for a book review/post?
Can you email me at EdenLiterary at gmail dot com