Monday, August 8, 2011

The Giraffe that Saved Me

My daughter is away for a weekend with her father. They've gone upstate and I'm oncall this weekend so I can't go along. He took her Friday night, I had just enough time to say good-bye. It was heart-wrenching. When their ride came I couldn't face her dad's family. I wanted to spit in their faces and step on their feet. I despised them in that moment. They were ripping her out of my arms in that instant and that's unforgiveable. Especially when you're under the influence of pregnancy hormones.

I went upstairs to our apartment and saw her favorite giraffe staring up at me from her crib.

I grabbed him and cried myself to sleep.

For two nights that giraffe was my only ally. He was all I had to cuddle with to remind me of her.

Did I miss her dad? Yes, I did but it wasn't his absence that made me feel like there was literally a part of me that was missing. My heart, my soul, my reason for being was not with me. I had the new little life growing inside of me but Isabella's absence made me feel like I'd cry until I simply ran out of tears.

Maybe it was overdramatic but I don't think I'll ever spend a weekend away from her again. Unless it's her choice.

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